today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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