You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize