i permit you to call me
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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