is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
