i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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