i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
