if i can run in heels then i can drive
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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