Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
