So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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