The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need to sanitize my soul.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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