She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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