i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
