I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
