did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
