Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
