the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
