My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
