someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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