They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I did not marry a roomba.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
