So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
