Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
