You're my little dorito
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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