someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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