Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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