when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
