So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I did not marry a roomba.
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