problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
