Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
