are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
