You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it was like eating out sand paper
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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