The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
