This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
