i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize