pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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