I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
