Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
