he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
