That's when you crack a 10am beer
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
