I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
