do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
