Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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