I want to walk on stilts...naked
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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