I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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