So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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