it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
