the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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