i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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