Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
