I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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