Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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