I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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