My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
