Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
