im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
