Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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