My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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