I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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