so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
