Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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