then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
