Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
