The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
