whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's no shave November. This is our time.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
