where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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