I can't watch pbs sober anymore
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
