sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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