Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
