I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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