I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
