Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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