1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
