I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
