he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
