I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
