How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
