This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm always down for nudity.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
