I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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