I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need to calm my uterus...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
