it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
