so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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