HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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