I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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