it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize