After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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