i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
