Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
