I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
