Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
