It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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