im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
