my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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