We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
