You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
