I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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