I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
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That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
