WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize