pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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