You're so nebulous sometimes
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I need to stop coming to work sober
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
