I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
