I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
