Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
