dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
