Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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