My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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