mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
