im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
a search helicopter?!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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