i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
All the doctor said was why
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
