VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
