I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize