Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
