well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize