shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
