Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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